Hope This Helps My Friend...

- DON'T QUIT -





Whatever it may be, I'll always be there for you. Jia You!!! Take Care.. I know it may not be that that appropriate.. But i guess it's the closest that I can find after so long... hehe :)

TRUE or FALSE??

sighz... I just know that this blog is going to be superly melacholic. It's gonna sound so drama-mama but i seriously don't care hahaha...

Just a thought. Is it really important to know?? Is it bad being too trusting?? Oh well I guess ultimately only you yourself will get hurt. But why can't you learn from lessons?? and when u finally learn from your lesson not to trust too easily, u become so tired.. What's this world coming to? If each time u trust pple and end up becoming hurt, won't you learn to stop trusting anyone? I guess that's life.. It really makes me wonder whether that is the truth.. I dunnoe if i should trust anything anyone says from now on.. I still do but after I do, i somehow have this feeling i'm gonna get hurt all over again. Why?? Why?? Why??

But what if this final one is seriously the truth and the rest are not? But how will u ever find out?? Somehow it just really seems like a de ja vu.. I guess the most hurting aspect is to find out that someone you whole-heartedly trust was cheating your feelings or maybe even making use of you for that matter. I guess it doesnt matter anyone coz it's passed.. but what matters is that you are scarred and now you have to carry this phobia unknowingly that someone else will do likewise to you in the near future.. and it's scary... it really is...

I dun wanna noe the outcome or wat is gonna happen in the future.. all i wanna noe is whether that's the truth or not.....just dun wanna find out pple lying to me anymore....

What is True Love?

Hm... Back to one of my usual entries on the meaning of life and stuff. This entry may sound melancholic and all but it has seriously NOTHING to do with me. Just a thought from somewhere, somebody or something if you may so call it.

What thing that I never believed in is that TRUE LOVE between a couple ever existed. Or it may but out of probably a 1000 couples maybe 1 or 2 blossom out of true love that remains through life and eternity. Seriously, what is true love? Is it forced? Or is it simply an understanding of what both parties need? Or is it simply called LOVE jsut because it is? So what is it? Many people claim that true love is about making the person you love happy and showering with care and concern all the time. But if it is not reciprocated, doesn't that make it a one sided love? Shouldn't true love be a mutual thing? On the other hand, how can love be measured? Is caring for a person love? Or is thinking of the person love? I guess there is no answer. Only you yourself will know. If we can't measure love, how can we classify it as true love?

Doesnt love die off eventually? Doesnt the weight of each relationship eventually rely on trust? So that what is really love? Is it something you have to fight for? Shouldnt it be a Gift from GOD? I suppose every single relationship's main element is trust, honesty and mutual understanding and respect for it to blossom. If that is the case, what's the point of lying in any relationship? Isn't it going to make things worse? Why drag others into your relationship? Shouldnt true love only revolve around you and your other half? Wouldn't one extra person only complicate matters further? It's the trust you should base on, not the people to help you pick up the lose ends.

But i suppose, "TRUE LOVE is NOT about Loving the Perfect Person, But Loving an Imperfect Perfectly".

Whatever it may be, if its yours its yours (though i guess sometimes you do have to work for it... hehehe). But do thank the Lord for the blessings and love he showers. That's the GREATEST LOVE ever.... for the LORD loves us - imperfect beings! That's TRUE EVERLASTING LOVE!!! :)

Poor Boy.. I'm Sorry... HEARTBROKEN :(

haiz.. I must be really bored.. Wrting a blog this often. hahaha.. Oh well.. I'm so heartbroken.. cause I hurt my darling today.. Poor boy... Now he has scratches all over and to the bare skin.. Sorry darling... hehehe.. it hurts me to see him hurt.. I'm sorry yeah?? But you'll get to take a good long rest when I leave next week ok? I'll miss you as usual but oh well at least u'll get a break... a nice long one in fact.. hehe.. I'll fix ya up tom ok? and then give u a nice clean look tom.. Will spend my whole afternoon with u and on u and no one else.. u'll get my full attention for once.. hehehe.. But for now bare with the pain my dear... hehehe and hopefully we'll get it fixed soon.. hehehe

You're strong yeah? so I'm sure u can endure rain or shine when I'm not with you for the next 3 weeks... But you'll be in safe hands I'm sure. :)

We'll Never Know...

hm... oh well.. *sighz* Supposed to be able to go down to sydney today but something propped up and so i'm stuck here for another few days. But that's alright! I'll make the best out of it I hope. haha...

Oh well, going to the beach alone yesterday was perfect! It provided me the calmness to ease my frustrations and sorrows. It's probably my favourite place in the whole of Newcastle. The serenity and peacefulness clears your minds and your thoughts as you slowly sieve through the necessary details and slowly sort out your thought process. I guess it's really important to be able to have a clear mind to think and analyse each situation to finally come down to a situation. Especially sometimes when we all forget about other minute details, it is important to analyse the whole situation once more to come to an optimal decision. I know it's not easy. But nothing is. We all have to go through the mill. Even sometimes after making a decision, we start wondering whether that decision is the best one. Or whether it was the wrong one. The fact remains that we will never know. Cause after we choose one path in life we cannot turn back that clock to start al over again. Even if we changed our routes halfway through our journey, it would also not be the same, for the timing is already different. That's life I guess, so the important thing I guess is to make the best of what you have and try to be happy yeah? Well, and sometimes if you're really not sure, praying helps I guess to give ou a clear mind to think. Solve one problem at a time and you'll be on your way!

Also, Happy Birthday to another good friend of mine! I'll see you down in Melbourne soon!! and not to worry I did not forget your present hehehe. Hope you have a wonderful birthday and many MORE to come!! miss you!!

If You're Happy, I'm Happy

Haha.. I know my blog sounds really crap now..hm... but besides all those dramatic incidents that has been happening in my life.. I'm happy for the TRUE FRIENDS i've made..here or elsewhere..glad that God has given me these wonderful blessings... yup.. to me my friends and family are really truly impt.. As long as they are happy i'm happy... but if anyone is sad i'll feel the sorrows too.. hehe guess i'm too emotional as well.. too easily affected by pple's emotions around me.. but to me... my friends' and family's happiness is definitely more impt than my own..hehehe... that's how much i treasure u guys... coz i noe i suck at showing it..maybe shy is the word.. or is it pride... but deep down inside i really do.... and sadly i only realised this when i lost something dear to me...

Hmmmm... as usual my blog is MISUNDERSTOOD AGAIN!!! hahahaha... for those who talked to me personally hehee.. u've got the answer u wanted.... but for some of u who left ya comments...hahaha.. my pt is quite obviously MISUNDERSTOOD again.. hahahaha... now tt brings me to the pt.. am I tt difficult to understand?? I seriously don't think so... hahhaa coz it's actually very ez to read me once you really get to know me...hahhaa but u have to think of things simply.... i'm no where near the complications of my blog... serious... haha.. coz my blogs are my frustrations.. my thought process.. my worries and my sorrows.. and hopefully soon my happiness (hopefully it comes soon too hehehehe)... but for those who know me... u know how simple a person i am rite? ez to read and decipher... no guess work involved...but think simply my friends... my blog may seem abstract..but honestly take out the frills.. and the meat is there... hehehe

but then it doesnt bother me how anyone of u reads it..really hahaha it's totally your own interpretation.. if you're happy i'm happy hehehe honest... *smilez*

It Sets You Thinking..

oh well... why does everything seem to go against me?!?!? sighzz.... now i'm stuck in this hell hole for one more day... so much for burning midnite oil just to try to finish my work... when it's finally done the server cannot work to read my file...so now i have to drag through this day once more..sigh sigh sigh...wat full of crapshit...haha

now i really wonder whether it is sydney that i wanna go.. or is it just me that i wanna get out of this place?? was really happy last weekend or last week rather in sydney... why?? i dunnoe guess i could take my mind off EVERYTHING!!! yeah... and guess wat.. i just nearly burnt my place down!!! totally forgot that i was cooking..damn...thank goodness i saved it in time....hahhaha

oh well.... there really isnt much for me to do in sydney either..i just sit at home and stone..but it just seems to be worse here some how..the day is longer...and the nite is shorter....sighz...oh well...hopefully it'll all be back soon...

but then i'm always looking forward to better shopping in melbourne...hehe... and meeting up with friends and stuff..sounds exciting.. been ages since i last met them..but i guess it'll be all good.. and then a trip down to NZ in july!!! haha..though i'm seriously not looking forward to going to a boring all rural area in lismore and BOGANGAR?? there apparently isnt even a mobile network in bogangar..how sad can i get..sighzzzz...oh well..someone save me?!!?! i'll be internet-less soon enough..so i better enjoy this few weeks...hehehhehee....ttz enough rambling and complaining...shall go wait for the server to start working all over again..hehehe...

A Stooopid Syndrome....

oh well..i'm back in my hell hole room...empty to the "brim"...back to my books..actually just a little report.. but oh well hopefully i seem to be dragging and dragging the report... exceeded the acceptable word limit but i'm still continuing...oh welll..hehe somehow i always seem to have alot of things to say...should start shortening it very soon hehehehe

anyway...enough of my rubbish... i'm back to my "writing-letter-moods"... have written this long long letter to someone this whole afternoon but it'll prob stay in my books forever as usual...muahhahaha (ttz my "writing-letter-not-producing-it syndrome) hahahah...hm...it's just the way i vent things out straightforwardly... is it wrong to be scared to voice ya opinions?? hm... but then wat if u offend someone?? oh well... or sometimes i guess u say things wrongly u lose a friend or sometimes worse case senario someone close to u...maybe thats why it's always impt to keep that lesson - think first speak later...hehehe but somehow..it sucks whatever u say always seems to turn out wrongly..i dunnoe oh well... sometimes pple say that misunderstandings are fine cause that's part and parcel of life...and if u really treasure each other then they will be cleared and forgiven.. but are such risks meant to be taken?? I really wonder.... but then again..wat's the pt of writing letters addressed to people but not actually showing to them?? oh well...i dunnoe... hm.... the only thing is that it gets it off my chest... but do others have the rite to know?? I really wonder...sighzzz.. i guess i worry abt everything hahhaa....oh well..... back to my stoopid report....been crapping so much..it's just amazing how much bullshit i can release in that one report...muahhahaah

.../cont'd

oh well.... today's a friend's bdae!! hehehe happy birthday friend..u noe who u r!!! hehehehem as i said.. good or bad there'll be no names..hahahaha

well... as said is ez contentment good?? ans is simple...yes when u wanna be happy i guess... like anything can make u happy..isnt tt nice... so every time u fall it's easier to pick up and go..hehee..oh well.. but i guess it's bad too coz u'll always be stuck there... and never move up the ladder...but then again it's diff... wat do u define being contented as?? can you be happy yet still have the drive to succeed?? is it possible?? hm... i really wonder... oh well.... will soon have to find out..hahhaa

but one thing for sure is that I realised i'm not easily contented... I always wanna aim higher and higher...yeah i guess it places alot of pressure on myself... but i'm just easily happy abt things that are happening arnd me.. little gestures pple make and do for u can please me...*hint hint* my friends...heheh just kidding..but yup...

hm...just realised something from a friend today..and i realised that sometimes keeping things within u are the worse ever feeling.. u just feel so drained with the issue as it overloads u forever... coz the more u keep it inside u the more it overwhelms. But sometimes wat can u do?? it presses u further when pple keep asking and u jus cant say a word...hehehe but wat can u do... that's life i guess...

hm....

it's been a few days since i last posted anything.. prob really really tired being in sydney and stuff... haha but it's been fun.. really happy to take my mind off EVERYTHING....haha...though there are still somet things floating through my mind but i guess if u're happy in most aspects heck the rest...look at everything positively and i've since learnt to ignore the uncertainties in life which make u just so tired of every single little thing.. they only drain u more.. coz the more u wanna find out something the more u dun wanna face it... and the more u think abt it with never an ans to find.. the more frustrated u get.. so i've decided to leave it in the hands of God.. and if it's yours it'll be yours no matter wat right??

haha someone said i'm very easily contented..heheh is it good or bad?? that i'll think thru and prob add my 2 cents worth when i have some conclusion for the future..

Sydney TRIP!!

haha...this weekend is hell of a weekend... so many interesting things have happened.. Bet rumours started...but who cares...hahaa as long as MY CONSCIENCE is CRYSTAL CLEAR abt everything i seriously dun care..hahaha... you wanna start... we can play the game!!! u think i'm crazee?? yeah maybe... but rumours are rumours... sometimes rumours help u see things clearer.. so isn't that better afterall?? but ths game is getting fun heh?? hahaha...yeah i'm going crazee...just a really crazee week...so tired...hahah so many things have been happening...but it was hell of a GOOD week..enjoyed myself heaps..looking forward to another week of great fun down in sydney!!!

mom's leaving soon... she's been here for nearly 2 mths by now..hm...mixed thoughts.... freedom i guess?? but no more nice home cooked food and someone to help u do the housework...now i have to do it all by myself again!! haha..but good thing i'll be going on a holiday soon...prob to melbourne...and down south of NSW...hehe plus definitely alot of time spent in Sydney....haha i think sydney is becoming my 2nd home!!! muahhahaaa..... some of my friends are saying that i shud really change my address to sydney..muahahahah... maybe i shud really do so..every single weekend in sydney!!! hahahah now even the whole week!!! sighzzzzz but i noe i'll be having heaps of fun..and looking forward to that man!!!

I Wished...

sighz...I guess in life there's alot of things u wished never happened.. sometiems u wanna take back wat u did or done but it is way too late...it's too late... but then again why cry over spilt milk?? sometimes u even wonder why u did wat u did... Something obviously has happened...maybe things havent changed...maybe it did..maybe i'm just being oversensitive.. wateva it is... i dunnoe wat i'm doing..i just wished i could turn back the clock..turn it back to something that never happened... Maybe it's just me.. that's why... I don't blame anyone except myself... if u noe me...u may think this is referring to something pretty oblivious to all..but then u're wrong..not many pple or maybe onli the person involved may noe...maybe he wont even noe...sighzzz.... i seriously dunnoe which is better..to keep it away... to hide and put a mask and pretence..or simply to tell the truth and face the consequences.... oh well avoidance - is that a solution??? I dunnoe either.... i'm just so tired of living in this shell of pretence and under this facade of my expectations... but when i think i can finally remove this shell to be who i really am...things seem to be changing all over again...

Should you not ever care then?? and act as if nothing has happened?? even a white lie is a lie.. no matter wat the truth will reveal in itself one day.. As much as you dun wanna an answer... avoidance is never a solution... but i guess if it makes someone happy that could be an option for time will eventually tell....

hopefully time will tell and will heal all matters eventually... or hopefully i'm just too sensitive....

Scandalous.....

oooohhhhhh....this weekend was FUN FUN FUN!!!! pple thot i'll be sad..but actually i've been really happy happy happy!!!! hahahhaa...so many things have happened.... i'm really impressed..things happened so quickly..... hahaha... hm..... rumours spread fast...but are rumours really true?? muahhahahaha...maybe adding more would be even more fun?? where's the sarcasm in the air??!?!?!

hm....actually i'm not happy as wat pple may think i'm happy for...i'm actually happy that i've got things off my chest..that things are easier to go now... i can leave things behind...and settle for something else..less stress less worries and less loads and burdens..how nice...;) pple may think it's not true...but do i care?? hahahahah...now i dun even bother...as long as i'm happy...

...the burden is off...and so are u!!!!! muahahahhahaha