Just at the Brink of GIVING UP!!

Sighzzzzzzzzz.. it's so difficult... pre clinical years are way simpler than this. I'm dying... I dun understand a SINGLE THING!!! and seriously nothing is getting into my head. Think it is even worse now that there is no guidance nor lectures, it's a free and easy thing.. either u survive or u die.. it's totally up to u.. it's worse when I have seriously no motivation to even bother ever since I stepped into this shit hole... sighz...and at the looks of it i'm in dire straits abt to lie on the streets waiting for death bed.. Guess it is not making it any better that i'm alone in lismore... Everyone who comes here either has family or friends in the region and here again, i stuck here for the weekend. The reason of coming here is now invalidated, so what really is the purpose of life?? It's not like i expect anything in return but oh well, so feeling shitty that it is all so pointless now, everything now and in the future will be... everything for me is just so screwed up.. sighzz... So at the brink of giving up this course, or maybe i really really need a break... I dunnoe.. maybe i'm just not cut out for anything anyway.. I suck.. I'm good for nothing anyway.. so oh well.. How many things have i changed in my life?? Why can't I settle for just something.. I really enjoy what i'm studying and I love the job but it's just so hard.. it's so hard to cope and i'm seriously struggling heaps.. It's driving me insane.. Will ya passion really carry you forth to what you really wanna do and faciliate you to persevere all the way to the end? Guess only time will tell..

Even more depressed when i washed my darling today at the automated machine thingy and it got scratched by those stupid brushes...how freaking hurt and upset i am... arghz...why cant ANYTHING in my life ever go right?? for once pls?? i just wanna a simple easy life.. not some complicated dramas to mess my life. Just wish for my family and friends around me to be happy and blessed with peace. Why can't life be that simple, a family or warmth and happiness and friends who are caring. Why is life just not so simple?? oh well... used to think that that is all that matters.. but as the days go by i realised it is not.. I realised that everything you do somehow revolves around something or someone else.. or is it just me? I dunno.. Well, i dun wanna wish for anything anymore. Coz i realised that the more i wish for something, the more i'll never get it and as such i guess i'll never be happy. Maybe I'm just a jinx.. oh well...

... without hopes, they won't be disappointment so why hope when all it leads to is a string of endless broken hearts...