hm...

hm... happy that my bro is here to visit me!!! so happy!!! haha... oh well.. he's a champ waited the whole day for me today and will prob do likewise tom when i'm in school.. haha...

anyway... life is a real mystery. things always seem to be fine when left unsaid.... and once things are said or done they all seem to change 360 degrees.. so wierd but wat can one say... sighzzz.. or can one just thinking too much?? but seriously if things weren't like that a week ago and suddenly over less than 24 hrs everything seems so different, what does that imply?? Does that mean that that was the answer you were waiting for?? But otherwise?? Who knows?? cause it simply can be anything.. but that's life it always makes a fool out of u.. sighzzz

Tired.. Really Tired...

Was On Call last nite. Wonder whether it was good or bad that that was simply no case yest.. so i just wasted the whole nite strolling up and down the corridor coz the lib was locked by 8. how boring.. it was the 2nd day of CNY and yest i was stuck there.. sad rite? but too bad.. kinda getting really worried abt exams... i just dun wanna fail.. i realli dun.. but wat can i do.. sighzzz.. someone tell me!!! i wish i had the energy to study in the first place.. sadly i dun..haizzz... i'm just so tired.. i dun even noe why..haizzz maybe it's jsut everything that has been happening.. but hopefully things will be better.. hehe.. i dunnoe as much as i wished things havent changed.. it just seems to have.. maybe that's the true facts of life.. things change according to circumstances.. but u wont noe i guess.. hehee... so will jsut have to wait and see.. how i so wanna this yr to pass asap.. away from all this stress.. muahahahhaa

You Just Know...

hm... last nite was a really interesting nite/midnite/morning/cny eve... maybe i think too much... but i guess you can really see the difference.. so many things happened within that 24hrs that made me really reflect on alot of life experiences and stuff.. but now after all that has happened I've understood heaps of stuff.. In that one day or 12 hrs for that matter.. I experienced joy, sadness, hope, disappointment, agitation, love, jealousy and many more diff forms of feelings together with the many people around me... It really amazes you how many different feelings can be thrown at you in one day.. but that is life I guess... but it is thru these life experiences that make you grow up and see what is truly yours and not yours.. wat is a facade vs wat is real.. wat are the priceless vs the worthless etc etc etc... but now i noe.. and now i understand.. at the end of the day when you're upset it is you who is affected not others.. and hence wat is worth the while and wat is not?? Only time will tell....

It's Truly the COMPANY Not ANYTHING Else

Our Little Chinese New Year Reunion Dinner (Sadly Some Had On-Calls/Midnight Shifts.. We Miss You Though)

Yest was indeed a better night than I could expect! Truly alot of things happened last night. But i guess the most impt of all is the company and not the place! So enjoyed myself thanks to some of my WONDERFUL friends in newie.. They are truly the best... Obviously there are the back stabbing pple as always.. but as long as your conscience is clear who cares abt the politics am I right?? there's always the pple that hate you and the ppl that love you.. but most impt is love yourself. Our little reunion dinner and coffee yest was heaps good. Better than I could have ever expected... Though I miss everyone at home.. I LOVE YOU ALL BACK HOME...!!! HAPPY NEW YR!!!

And to my dearest friend who went thru an "ordeal" yest - dun think so much abt it ok? I'm sure you'll get through things stronger. And think abt it!!! You're only going to see pple better so now you noe.. dun get hurt!!! hehehe.. whatever it is.. i'm always here for you.. and thanks for being with me yest when I needed you guys too. Really appreciate every little bit of you guys..

If It Has to HAPPEN... It Has to HAPPEN...

oh well... who can guarantee anything in life huh? if things have to happen they have to happen.. we just can't control anything I guess... that's life.. but oh well.. I know alot of things are not easy but I guess it's most important to take things in your stride and work towards other important things in life... Time will heal everything.. and I just hope that things will only get better and not worse for anyone. It's going to be the start of the new yr tom so everything can be started afresh tom!

HAPPY NEW YR EVERYONE!

AWESOME!!!

oh man.. yest nite made my day... was so happy!!! thanks to those pple who have always been there for me during these yrs in aus!! I LOVE U GUYS!!! HUGZ!!!

Thanks

hm... many thanks to my wonderful friends who remembered this day... though i myself nearly forgot hahaha... really appreciate it... you prob wont understand how a few words mean to me.. but they really do.. thanks heaps.. miss you all!...;)

was even happier yest when i received something that is priceless in both sense of the words... it is ex.. but you really cant use $$ to buy it at all really.. thanks... was really really touched.. something i would never have guessed... nor expected ever... really appreciate it.. and i dunnoe wat else to say.. but i'm really happy thanks!

and thanks to all these people that have totally MADE MY DAY ALL THE TIMES OF GOOD AND BAD! Love you all!!! ;)

Disappointing...

haizz... sch work... totally think i'm gonna fail..sighzzz....die la... wat am i going to do?? stressed la... 2 weeks over already... that's really fast man..sighzzz.. long case in 6..oh well... better buck up my socks man.. haha

oh well... i dunnoe la... what's wrong with my life... i feel so superly upset and disappointed... i dunno... i thot i received what i wanted and for a while i was sure... but now.. oh well... never mind...just feel that the world is playing a trick on me... This feeling of uncertainty is indeed horrible... but what can i do?? if that's what makes one happy then what can i say?? nothing i guess.. but that's life..sighzzz.. or maybe it's retribution... sighzzz

Am So Tired...

haha one whole day in that operating theatre is indeed so tiring. I seriously don't understand how surgeons can stand the whole day yet still go on through the night and then through the next day because they had an emergency that night and can't even catch a wink. So here they start their few-day cycle without sleep. Amazing but oh well.. It really makes me wonder whether they are younger or I am younger? haha.. But really doctors do run really fast in the hospitals. Are we students that unfit or old?... haha...

Anyway.... it's good that things have started to be better today. At least that eases my tiredness and I don't feel so lethargic like I did the last few days... Pretty happy about how things are going and i guess sometimes misunderstandings do happen and assumptions are often no good.... Time is required in everything that we do... and I'm sure that time can tell.... But then again how long can a person wait?? one day?? for sure... one month?? maybe... half a year?? getting a bit risky... One year?? Maybe that calls for a big QUESTION MARK?!?!? haha... but then again no point saying and saying and saying when nothing is done physically. Agreed?

Oh well.. enough said... since I'm happy now there isn't much for me to say except to have an early night cause i'll be on call tom nite and do some study... oh well just pray that I get through 4th year asap... haha... oh well... but time really flies this yr i must admit..haha 1.5 weeks has passed though it seems like yest... and there's only 6 weeks to exams.. isnt that fast?? oh well... so much for my procrastination.. my books are finally calling...haha

If It's Time It's Time...

i feel so lost... the sense of belonging is gone.. am i thinking too much though? Life is wierd isnt it. We never learn to appreciate things till it is too late. Did something today. Did half only though.. kept the other half for certain reasons.. but dunnoe if it was stupid or not in the end. oh well looks like i'm going to have to go through once again the ordeal last yr... but who seriously understands?? Oh well.. when u create a mess clean it up i guess... no one else to blame except yaself! haha.. but easier said then done heh.. oh well life such... it makes a fool out of us ALL THE TIME!! sighzzz

Feb/Mar is NEVER a Good Time

Oh well... I so feel like crying after that one call. How I wished I could just hide in one corner and cry. I tried to drown myself in work as I promised earlier so that I'll think of nothing. But sigh... It din work out. Opened my book and I could not even digest the first sentence after reading it 3 times. How pathetic have I become?? I don't know how to face everything and everyone!!! Why do such stuff have to always happen in feb/mar of the year. It's such a horrible time. I dunnoe what to say now except a word of sorry. Oh well... I just had the feeling of having to want to cry but you just can't cause your mom is around. And why does this time of the year always seem like that?? Can someone tell me?? Oh well... Maybe I should really fly to melbourne for my Chinese New Yr Weekend and things would turn out to be better like last yr when I went over after all that shit! Please Lord.. Tell me what I should DO!?!?!?!?

Back to REALITY???

hm... it's been ages since I last blogged I think. Everyone has been asking me but I guess I never had the time. Was so busy back home in Singapore and it just seemed that I never had the time to possibly spend a bit time to even blog. Catching up with friends and family was indeed good. However, this holiday back home shocked me with something really interesting. It was a happy time back yet one that brought up alot of issues. I had to deal with it today AGAIN!! Guess life is not fair. It never is the way you want it to be. I wish someone also had the answer for me. I guess all I can do now is pray and pray and pray and hopefully one day the answer will be right there for me. I'm really confused but is it really true that what goes around comes around? I never believed that I'll have to face it one day and looks like I'm really really really wrong. It happened before but at the end of the day I knew exactly what I wanted but this time I really don't. Actually I know what I want this time too but it's all out of my control. Why has it always been? I really don't understand either. Is this considered a test or just the end to the 1st chapter only? I was happy for the last 3 weeks or so. But every beginning has to have an ending I guess. And it's deciding the endings in life that is indeed torturing. What will you do? Oh well, it seems so easy to just advise some good friend of yours going through the same situation but when it comes to yourself you're just put in a spot. But it's just so wierd - after all that has happened I have never thought about myself really except as to what I should do but more about everyone else. Sighz....

I really don't know. I just feel so horrible now that I honestly wished I never asked and would never want to know. But i guess there'll come a day that I had to figure things out and it would be best to work it now then to have to drag things??? Oh well, I just hope that I can drown myself in my work and forget about everything right now. Studies is indeed the most important of all now I guess. And yes, I am really really up to my neck with schools and postings. Surgical posting is indeed so demanding but it's really fun I guess and so time passes really quickly. 1 week and it seemed like forever. Initially when the 1 week passed I was very very very excited and happy that something will pop up in my life soon but after today I'm pretty sure there's nothing much that I can look forward to or that I want to look forward to for that matter. Oh well take each day that comes along I guess...

It seems that life has either been busy or good hence I havent blogged for ages. And it's pretty obvious that things are not as good and hence back to my routine!! hehe... But whatever it is, that's LIFE! It has its ups and downs I guess.